no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
