so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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