I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
of course. lets lasso hookers.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
