i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize