I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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