tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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