There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
