Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
