my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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