I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
there's paper in my vomit.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
