im six kinds of drunk right now
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
