Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
how does that bad decision feel?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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