well I can't set my house on fire every night
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
