I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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