How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
