adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
