You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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