He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
