I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
