im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
