Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
