you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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