I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
