ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
