I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
