I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
