It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
