Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
