I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
