All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
