i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize