we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
