Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize