i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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