I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
