I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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