the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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