I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize