I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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