I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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