My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
