I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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