so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
