The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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