Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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