so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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