good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
