This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
