Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
