i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just cropdusted the office
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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