Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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