turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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