Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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