PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
