note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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