I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
