I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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