Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize