there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
