you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
