The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
