in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
