I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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