Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
