I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
