did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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