the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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