your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Someone came in the potted fern
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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