Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
