my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can't put those talents on a resume
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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