i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
