I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
