Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
