I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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