he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
