yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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