Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
