She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
