So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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