I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
