so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
