Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
