I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
