There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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