DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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