Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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