You can't motorboat a personality
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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