I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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