i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
