i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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