): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
