69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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