Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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