Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
